I shot this photograph from my deck in January 2004. To enter this into the Palisade Art Lovers Show (PALS), I got a large print from Snap Photo, matted it, and framed it. It was such a fun process. It was the first time I’d ever done that, and the first time I’d entered a photograph in a contest/show. Now I have this hanging on a wall in my house. I liked the composition of this one so much.

I guess I didn’t follow through very well with the card-a-day-before-Christmas plan. Three days before Christmas, my blog draft was entitled (aptly enough), “Three Days Before Christmas.” I managed to write two sentences. I could tell at the time I was not inspired. I started another on Christmas Day, but I was so hung over that I took a powder for much of that day and the next. My son told me if he was too old to wrestle with his buds (he broke his neck in the process, this December) then I am too old to stay up all night partying with my girlfriends. I think he might be wrong on that one point. You’re never too old to enjoy the company of your sisters in life.

For the days previous to that raging hangover, I was desperately trying to write a resume. Why was that so difficult? I can certainly write well enough to get that done. But I was having a major mental block, I guess. The fact that I even need to be doing that has been extremely upsetting to me.

One issue is that defining all the things I do and have done, is very difficult. I think it might have boiled down to a tree/forest/sight thing. I am a graphic designer, yes; but I am not only a graphic designer. I guess it’s like a domestic goddess. “Housewife” and/or “homemaker” doesn’t even come close to describing the myriad talents and duties required of someone to run a home. It’s hard to condense the fact that I can probably do about anything I set my mind to, and I’ve done so many things. Nobody wants to know that I love the process and I love the work I do. It’s a tough market right now, and I haven’t written my own resume for 14 years. I finally had to have someone else, whom I trust with words and my interests, read it, critique it, and offer some excellent advice about how to proceed.

In my “career” as a graphic designer, I became familiar with copiers, printers, offset presses, process camera and chemicals, the old-style Compugraphic typesetting machine, pasteboards, wax, Exacto knives (even one in my toe once). At home, I did simple BASIC programming on the old Commodore 64 and when I got my first Mac in May of 1992, I was truly in heaven. I taught myself with books how to use it and QuarkXpress to work on a catalog and help get it done. Seems like every day I learned something. I still do. There is so much more to learn. Now I’m proficient in Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, Acrobat, and am familiar and can work with so many others. I want to move toward mobile, which is essentially where I think it’s all going. But there’s so much—I can’t even think where I might best begin.

Over the course of years, I learned how to troubleshoot my Macs because there was nobody else that could do it for less than $60/hour OR get to it as fast as I needed them to. I’ve discovered and eradicated viruses on the Mac (not a common occurrence), and I’ve dealt with conflicting software and hardware (remember SCSI?!). My boss and I put together the graphic components of a website that I kept updated — that was in 2000. I’ve managed up to five other people to get a heavy workload complete in a short amount of time. I have conversations with clients, vendors, and printers to determine what everyone needs to get each job done. I don’t mind working long hours to get a job done on time. I’m not afraid to ask questions, and I teach myself what I need to know. I do love the process.

Anyway, it doesn’t seem like there’s really any work for a non-college educated person who is a self-starter, highly motivated, curious, capable, and has a really good work ethic. To be fair, I just started. Maybe there’s something out there.

Meantime, I’m finally settling into the realities of this thing. I have really struggled with so many issues surrounding this change. I need to find a job. I need to be able to continue to support myself. I may have to give up graphic design, although I hope to always have my hands in it. I’m sure there’s going to be some freelance stuff available over the years. After struggling with this new reality and trying to get a grip on it, I am now almost excited. Of course, I vacillate between fear and excitement, but I’m at least not only fearful. I don’t mind saying that I even let myself think that it’s really going to be good — whatever it is going to be. That optimism alone (although not a constant companion) has got to count for something.

So, as we approach the last day of 2010, scary and exciting year that it has been, I wish for all of you some peace and happiness and success in all that you do. I think 2011 will be an interesting and exciting year.

Happy New Year!

This picture was taken off the road next to a field on 33 Road, just north of F Road. It is one of a very few I took somewhere other than my balcony.

That morning I took out of here in sunshine to get pictures of Mt. Garfield dressed up in its layer of clean snow. What I didn’t count on was not being able to easily find a place where there was no telephone poles or wires, no railroad crossing signs, no stop signs, and no trees obstructing my view. Somehow I stumbled upon this location and took a picture I’ve used several times. The original is much taller and includes part of a barbed-wire fence and shadow in the foreground. I like that picture a lot.

I can’t now remember how I got this watercolor effect. The complete original was done this way, and I have a sense that I painted color and detail back into a filtered version to achieve this look. The layer in Photoshop offers no clues though.

Today I am thankful for friends. We get to choose them and they become more family sometimes than family.

If I thought I had that much to do with it, I’d say I have chosen well and wisely. But, I suspect that is not the case. Alone, I don’t have that kind of wisdom.

My life is better because I have the friends I do. And my life is richer because I love them so much.

I really don’t know when I took this photograph, but the date on the file suggests its use as a Christmas card preceded the one of Mt. Garfield I posted December 19. This was probably the first actual card, but not the first in the series of Mt. Garfield shots used for subsequent Christmas cards.

I believe this was one of my first attempts to stand behind something to shoot into the sun, to achieve that flair effect. This technique I discovered in digital photography classes and/or meetings hosted by Adam Cochran and Rick Castellini. The date on the paperwork I still have from that class is 2002. That was SO long ago. They’ve moved on a bit in their interests and pursuits, but then, as now, they were knowledgable, fun, and completely accessible. I learned a lot in those classes. I think this shot was a direct result of things I learned from them.

Today I am thankful for family. They connect me to the rest of the world in the sweetest and most loving way. They remind me I belong somewhere. When all around me things sometimes seem so foreign, I can spend time with my family and know I did not just make it all up. I came from somewhere, and I feel completely at home in their presence. I think it’s only through family I’m not completely alone at the times I feel most isolated.

And really, with a few exceptions, they’re about the only bunch of people that seem to always put up with my nonsense and let me come back for more. Maybe that’s because, as family, they’ve had to endure long enough and often enough that it’s given me time to finally prove I don’t always misbehave.

I’m starting to sound a little like a vaccine. My family has almost completed their series of donnaculations. They’ll get one more dose on December 25 and be good for the following year.

If you’re lucky enough to have family that continues to talk to each other, challenge and learn from each other, love each other, and stand by each other, then you know to what degree they are one of the most important gifts we are given in this life.

I am that lucky.

This is one of the first cards I made from a digital image. The date on the file is 2003 and I created this image from a negative scan.

I remember dinking with it a long time before I was really happy with the effect and how it looked on the photo paper. Without some calibration work and consistent print settings, what appears onscreen doesn’t necessarily show up on photo paper. I learned a lot getting this photo to print to my satisfaction. I love the whole process. Even if I do sometimes teach my dogs new words, I certainly wouldn’t do this if I didn’t have some passion for it. I’m always excited to learn more.

So, what am I thankful for today? This morning I am thankful for my health.

There are too many of my “family” dealing with things I can only imagine. As I lay in bed this morning checking Facebook, Mail, and Twitter, and trying to decide which photo to post, I thought only of the relatively simple things I have to do. I thought how little time there really is in a day. I reflected on how often (and probably will again today) I squander the time I do have; how in my confusion and uncertainty about my future, I am somehow slightly paralyzed right now. What AM I going to do? What next? How am I ever going to turn this rather paralyzing fear of my future into the sense of adventure that I need to move ahead? Why is that SO difficult right now?! They’re all legitimate questions and concerns.

But for me, all that worry really is related only to a house, a house payment, bathroom tile, debt, pride, continuity, and Christmas.

For me this morning, there’s no real fear of an enemy that attacks me from within. I don’t wonder if my hair is going to fall out. I don’t worry that because of something I can’t control, I’m so tired I can barely move. I’m not waiting for a wave of nausea to hit me. I don’t look forward to the holidays knowing that I’m not likely to feel good. I don’t roll over in the night and wonder how my partner might need to go on without me — a lot sooner than either of us had planned. I didn’t lay in my bed this morning thinking that for me, the world had stopped; that everything is moving around me and I am stuck in this place to battle for my life.

These things I only imagine as thoughts I might have first thing in the morning, if I were sick. Lucky for me, I have to imagine it all.

One of my dearest friends once told me that if money could fix it, “it” wasn’t a problem. Isn’t that just true?! Certainly that doesn’t minimize the real problem of having too little money, but without one’s health, everything else has got to be secondary.

So, this morning, I thank God for my health. Today I aim to enjoy that extraordinary gift. I’ve already selected my photograph, written my piece, and am awake and ready to go earlier than usual. Today I think maybe I can finish that resume that has completely stumped me lately, and prepare my house and my plan for the week ahead. And now, I’m kind of excited.

I knew this would be a good exercise.

I wish you all peace and joy, and good health.

I used to do a Christmas card like this every year. Mt. Garfield in snow was always my subject. I haven’t been so diligent about that the last few years and I won’t be sending out cards again this year. But, I did want to do something creative for Christmas since, because of work (or lack of work), I actually have the time. I also need to be mindful of how necessary a creative outlet is for my sanity.

So, this image isn’t a lot different from others I’ve done for past Christmases, but it is different. From now until Christmas, I expect to post a different image every day. I may add a new one, but for my entertainment, and as time constraints interfere, I’ll post images from Christmases passed, and I hope you will enjoy them as well. Some of you will be seeing them for the first time, though.

Each day, I plan to list things for which I am thankful. I need the reminder, and as busy as I get with my own disappointments and stresses, I don’t always remember that there is SO much. Therefore, my mission is to elevate my spirits through actively NOT feeling sorry for myself.

I hope you all have a lovely week and remember why we celebrate. It is because Christ was born that we celebrate; not that we snagged the perfect gift. No matter what your religious beliefs are, that IS what “Christmas” is all about. Of course, you may celebrate “the holidays” differently, but I celebrate “Christmas.”

And, for my own reminder, (and I first heard from Jethro Tull’s sweet “Christmas Song”), the Christmas spirit is “not what you drink.” (This, despite the fact that the last line is, “Hey! Santa! Pass us that bottle, will ya?”)

Here’s a link to a YouTube posting of that song: